Hi, I’m Minny. It’s a little embarrassing to admit this, but my last date was in 2009! Since then, I just haven’t felt like I’ve reached my true earning power. On a scale of $1 to $10.10, I feel like $7.25… and $7.25 just doesn’t go as far as it used to.
I’M GOOD AT
I’m great at lifting Americans out of poverty, reducing taxpayer subsidies to companies that pay low-wages and pass the tab for assistance programs like food stamps, Medicaid, on to the government and taxpayers. I’m also great at uniting the nation –that’s Democrats AND Republicans - around a common purpose. Need a reference for that last one? Just ask 76% of Americans; they’ll tell you the same thing.
WHERE I’M GOING
If I can get just one date, I know that I could change the lives of millions of Americans, from college grads to single moms and beyond. A date for me on the Floor of the House could mean wage increases for 28 million American workers, $22 billion in increased economic activity and 85,000 new jobs. And that’s not to mention the 4.5 million men, women and children I could lift out of poverty!
I’m looking for a date with that special someone… a tall, dark-haired leader-type with the ability to get me onto the Floor of the House. The sooner, the better!
And not to sound shallow, but a guy with a great tan is always a plus.
Do you know the man of my dreams? If you do, call him up
and let him know that Minny Mumwage is ready and waiting for the boost she so desperately needs!